i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
