In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
