sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize