That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
What a dumb baby whore.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
