i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You've changed since you got that strap on
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
