i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i barfeds in our rink
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
