Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
