and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
