I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
