Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
