Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
