I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
