I can text with my tongue
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize