u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
