He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You're a waste of cheezeits
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
