Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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