The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
