sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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