dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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