Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
