i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Randomize
