I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
