I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize