My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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