Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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