I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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