420 ftw
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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