you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
