so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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