Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
