I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Can Purell be used as lube?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize