redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
