I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
