Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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