Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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