I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
my being single is dangerous.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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