Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You ruined the universe
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
