Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
