So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
