I feel like abortions should bother me more
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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