I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
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