This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
