What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
