Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
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