Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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