I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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