seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
