What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
