It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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