You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
