I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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