i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
