You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
