Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
This house was built for laser tag.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
