grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
