Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Randomize
