She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I just gift wrapped bread.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
We're too hungover to prance.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
