you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
