How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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