Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
