I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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