I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
