I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
