actually, I'm a sock model
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Randomize
