I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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