Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
