we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
