Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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