I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
