i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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