You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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