Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet

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(763): View more from Minnesota

My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.

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(214): View more from Texas

That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”

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(204): View more from Manitoba

when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.

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(509): View more from Washington

HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS

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(719): View more from Colorado

I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.

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(662): View more from Mississippi

That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.

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(317): View more from Indiana

My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need

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