Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
The air taste purple.
Randomize
