so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
