her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
