And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
