trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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