i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
