Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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