The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
if i died would you start the facebook group?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
