3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
