Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
