I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
