I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
