I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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