I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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