My room smells like vodka and shame
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
