I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
