I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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