last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
