I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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