There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize