It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
