Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
My bed smells like the plague
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
